I am feeling so much gratitude for the love that God has extended towards me. Like the woman with the issue of blood...He Healed Me. I learned to Press in to Him through deep intimate Worship. If you have experienced sexual abuse - like I have - press into Him in Worship. He'll meet you right there. I am sharing a tiny piece of my testimony (originally shared on Facebook, on November 25. 2015,) here:
I think that the reason I worship God with the level of intimacy that I do is because I have been touched so deep within, where only Holy Spirit could ever reach me. You see my pain was so very deep that I could never have experienced wholeness without His touch deep within. (Please read all of this)
Today, I stand complete in Him who is the head of all principalities and powers. But there was a time… When he took me to the railroad tracks to undress me, I felt like the pain was so thick, it cut me like a knife. I just didn’t understand how my Mom and all those Intercessors there… in the other room didn’t know what was taking place…that he was taking me from the house to hurt me…after all, they were pressed in with all their hearts and minds. Why couldn’t they just turn…open their eyes and see me…see him…knife in hand…taking me out of the back door…to have me…to rape me. Look…turn around…I can’t call out to you…I am too afraid. Just turn. Just look.
The pain that I experienced those years and for years thereafter restructured God’s path for me in so many ways. The people I connected with, the journeys I took, the life experiences I had…Only God could heal. God, I praise You, for Your healing Power.
Today, when I look around, I can still see God’s restructuring. You know, when we take paths God did not intend – everything is impacted…joy…confidence…success…relationships…I can go on and on. But may I tell you…God never changes.
"Let Me Touch Your Garment…" (lyrics) it’s a prayer…and actually it’s part of the lyrics of a song the Father gave to me, coming from that deep place within where I knew so deeply that kneeling at His Feet…was the only place that I could have a heart made ready to reconcile…to be healed…to denounce or withdraw my own unhealthy plans designed for the destruction of those who cause such pain…strangers in my path who only need achieve one more heinous, hideous crime to the soul of a woman or child.
Heal my Soul and Body…Heal my frail defeat…(more lyrics) Look all I know is that it was a journey. The path to healing was – and perhaps still is – a journey! I feel that today, when I look back over those years of my life, I see paths of restoration. I see what the Word of the Lord speaks of in Isaiah 58: 12 when it reads…”And they that shall be of thee shall build the old waste places: thou shalt raise up the foundations of many generations; and thou shalt be called, The repairer of the breach, The restorer of paths to dwell in…”
I am certainly, still experiencing the rebuilding of waste places. And at times, I do not understand or appreciate my journey. It seems repairing breaches is a work that the enemy of our Souls seeks to constantly undermine. I give my Lord Jesus…"the Keys to My Life Story" (yes, lyrics). I love that part of the song…It’s funny. At first, I said to myself, hey, don’t put that in the song. What do you mean, you’ll give him the keys to your life story?!! It sounded ridiculous.
It is so important to be true to God and true to your own self. In the end, He is all that we have. Even success (as we deem it to be) or great wealth will not satisfy the longing Soul or fill the hungry Soul with gladness. Psalm 107:9 Taste and See…that the Lord is Good. Wow…act on one sense and experience the outcome through another (sense). Indulge yourself in Him…and watch for results from the indulgement. (Wow…I made up a word.) Blessings will result from the intentional act and effort used, to connect with, and receive nutrition, from the Lord (His Word.)
I have tasted of Him. And like anything that’s good, (at least that I like), I go back for more. I just want to say to you who read this…I will continue to taste (to seek those Word experiences and Holy Spirit (Ghost) experiences, that bring results that I can see. Worship…intimate Worship is one of them.
So…as I shared earlier… giving Father God the keys to my life story seemed ridiculous. But then I realized that I can share what God desires…what He wishes to unlock for the repairing of the breach…for the restoring of paths (for others who were hurt too) to walk in. Ahhh…"Then Lord, I’ll Worship and I’ll adore You…Lay my life before You…" (ahh, yes, lyrics) that’s why when ministering this, and other songs before the Lord, I really don’t mind…an audience of 1…amongst thousands. I’ve been made whole again. (So I whisper, as I reach out to touch His Heart) I love You, Lord Jesus. I love You... Take the keys.